As we wrap our our marriage series I wanted to share a few thoughts about date night. Many couples I’ve counseled miss opportunities to take time together as a couple and invest in their marriage. Often it’s because they don’t feel they have the time or can’t leave their children or can’t afford to have a “proper date.” Aside from the fact that we should always make time for what’s most important to us, people often miss is the point of the date and therefore let excuses creep in that shouldn’t hold them back from this investment.
The point of a date is not to spend a lot of money or do some big fancy thing. The point is to spend time with each other, share your lives, and build some shared memories. Sometimes a date may focus on just one of these goals while others will accomplish all three.
So how do you do a date on the cheap while still connecting with each other? What about a simple coffee date? Kim and I do weekly “Mini-Dates” with each other. We drop our son off at Tae Kwon Do and then cross the parking lot to Starbucks. We share a drink while we sit and talk. We’re talking just a few bucks for the drink and about 35 minutes of time we’d be waiting for TKD to end anyway. Why not capture that time and find out more about what’s going on in each other’s lives?
So what do we talk about? Sometimes it’s as simple as syncing up our calendars and/or talking about family finances. It wouldn’t be healthy to focus on “business” every time but often much marital tension can be alleviated just by talking about these things on a regular basis. Other times a couple would do well to NOT talk any business but just talk about what’s going on in your lives.
Sometimes Kim and I talk about a recent sermon or small group study. Whether your group has a book to work through or not, talking about the topics covered in a small group or at a service can bring you closer together as you learn more about each other. As conversation starters I’ve used a number of books that give questions couples can ask each other.
Here’s the deal. Many of you struggle with leaving your children with sitters. You feel that by taking time for yourselves as a couple you are neglecting your kids. Let me challenge you with this thought. The best gift you can give your children is the confidence that Mom and Dad love each other and plan to spend the rest of their lives together. You can tell your kids that, but unless they see you enjoying each other’s company and investing in each other they won’t feel that security. Give them that gift. One day they’ll move out but you’ll still have your spouse. If you aren’t already, start investing in that relationship this week.